to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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