The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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