Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
