1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Congratulations! We have a period
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