I am midnight drunk by noon
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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