it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
