Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my sisters under your porch take her home
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
