on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
