I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's always time for handjobs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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