There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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