You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
