I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
