i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
