where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize