oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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