I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
