Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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