Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
