I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
