textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
