Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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