so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
