dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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