The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
