Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
