Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
