i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
