If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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