An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
