i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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