Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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