whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
