Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone shit on the floor
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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