i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
