I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
