She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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