How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
