Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
