Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
