you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
