yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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