my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
