Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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