Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
