What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
