he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
