I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
