4 words: hood of his car
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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