hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
