I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
