he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
