I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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