If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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