So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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