I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
