Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
