Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
