In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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