Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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