walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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