am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
