two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
