sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
