btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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