i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
