I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
