Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
