ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
