good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
