no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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