I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
